Deep Down Inside, We All Have a 6-Pack

Ah, Fridays. Work is done, it’s time to relax, turn on your favorite tunes, hang out with your friends and pop the top on a cold, refreshing…

 

…soda water??

 

I know. I’m not buying it either.

 

But whatever your fitness goal, be it weight loss, increased athletic performance or improved muscle tone, the sad news is that alcohol is not going to help you achieve it. Here’s a fun game: type the search terms “alcohol and diet” into Google and check out the “People Also Ask” questions. Notice any themes?

 

If you see what I see, it looks like a lot of folks desperate to find ways to lose weight while still drinking. Here are some of my favorite Q&A’s:

 

How can I drink beer and still lose weight?

 

“Reduce your drinking…” LIVESTRONG

 

Can you gain weight from drinking alcohol?

 

“Take note: Alcohol is not a diet food.” Elle

 

Is Vodka good for losing weight?

 

“…vodka and other alcoholic beverages do not have special fat-burning capabilities.” LIVESTRONG

 

Now that I’ve ruined your Friday night, allow me to offer some more constructive guidance. It IS possible to have fun at social outings without alcohol. No, really – I have some magical tips!!! Keep reading…

 

Fear not that your friends won’t want to be around you when you’re sober.  Here are 7 effective tips to seem drunk, even when you’re not:

 

  1. Act like a baby. For real, check out these pros.
  2. Send confusing text messages. Here’s some ideas to get started.
  3. Wear that new cardigan your spouse bought for you. Oops! You spilled and now it’s ruined. Wait? Your metabolism-crushing drink is being taken away? NOOOOOooooooo…..
  4. Stumble. Occasionally fall over.
  5. Buy duct tape. And smiley face underwear, a broom, and some sunglasses.
  6. Do yoga. Dying to try a new pose?
  7. Rap about your favorite sports team. Include animal noises.

Ok, you’re ready to remove alcohol from your diet, right? Me too [opens 12 oz.]. I got this covered [sips beer]. Oh, look. It’s karaoke night [orders taxi].

 

This is fine dog
KC Green

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: